I always either let people use me, lose good people or shoot myself in the foot. I've been the black sheep at school and my family since I can remember. I was bullied by fake friends and siblings. I was really awkward. As I'm 22, I've burnt a lot of bridges and have hadextreme emotional mood swings until recently. Now I'm low key petty and if someone pushes my buttons and puts me in a corner I can lash out.
People laugh at me for the erratic things I did. Even strangers I never met give me dirty looks.
I'm a push over. I bought my boyfriend an iPhone after he kept begging me. Now he wants the newer one and he looks at me funny for not wanting to. I let people use my car, pressure me for sex, lent out too much money. But when I need those friends to bring me to fix my car they were busy.
I suck at managing money. My credit is good now but I still owe hospital bills and am behind in my taxes. I know I'm not responsible. I hate myself because I feel like i won't make it in this world if I don't change.
I'm book smart but not street smart. I always attract toxic people who I let use me. They talk down on me but want me to respect them.
I used to want to kill myself but I just want to press a button to fix myself and be loved by people. I'm tired of being an idiot. So what do I do to fix myself before I'm broke and alone?
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