I have been with the same girl for 10 years. We have been married for four of those. Her last boyfriend before we met cheated on her, and when we first started dating she told me the reason she didn't trust men was because of him. However she would still talk to him and ask him for advice about our relationship, which I didn't like. I told her how much I didn't like him and that I didn't want to see him around. A few years into our relationship while she is at college, she goes to some social events with him. She later told me that he was pursuing her and trying to win her back, and that she was lonely because I wasn't spending enough time with him. When she told me this I got upset and thought about ending it, but she assured me it was in the past and over. A year or two after this incident we got married.
So imagine my surprise when I find out just a few days ago that last December a few days before Christmas she had a yahoo conversation with him where she was talking to him about things they could do together in the city, including seeing a burlesque show, and her attitude with him was flirty, such as calling him "silly panda", and asking if he wanted her to clean his apartment for him.It floored me, and when I confronted her and asked her if she was still talking to any guys she said no. I had to tell her about the conversation I found. She said it was innocent and they were just friends, and that she never did anything physical with him. I eventually got it out of her that she was talking to him from December-May of this year, and that they hung out on a few occasions. She said he helped her buy computer parts at a store once and she went rollerblading with him and his girlfriend on another occasion. She kept emphasizing the fact that he had a girlfriend who was aware of my wife being "friends" with him. I don't know any of these people and can't verify this one way or another. She then told me she has also been playing words with friends on her IPhone with this guy, which means she would have been laying next to me on the couch and playing games with this guy. The only reason she eventually stopped hanging out with him was that her best friend kept telling her it was "wrong".
The whole thing makes me sick. She knew I hated him, and that I didn't want her hanging out or talking to him since he was an ex-boyfriend. The fact that this all happened behind my back and reading the conversation where she is telling him about her day and being cute with him makes me want to puke. We had 10 years. How the hell could she do this? I finally got her to admit it was emotional cheating, and I told her it pissed me off because she always told me how much she hated cheaters. She started crying and saying she wasn't that kind of person, and she was being selfish and dumb, and she needs to change, and she loves me, blah blah blah.
So I told her I want three months of separation to get away from her and let my emotions cool down so I can make a better decision about if I want to stay with her or not. I keep alternating between anger and hurt for her betrayal of our wedding vows and sadness at losing everything I had worked for with her. The thing is too, we weren't a perfect match before this and she would be hella stubborn and fight me on a lot of things.My family pretty much hates her now, so there's that.
Has anyone gone through anything like this? And before anyone says there was something I did to cause her to reach out to her ex several different times, I will tell you right now I was trying to make my marriage/relationship with her work. I was going to counseling, taking her on more dates, talking to her more.It actually started to feel like the harder I tried the more unappreciative she got.As soon as I told her I knew she had been talking/hanging out with this other guy and I was leaving she started begging to have me back and telling me how much she loved me.
См. статью: Emotional cheating.separation?