1) I have had crushes on teachers since I was 10. The first one was really nice to me and took care of me when I was sick. Since then, I craved her attention all the time and tried to fake sick all the time.
2) I graduated, and it happened again when I was 15.It lasted for about a year, the whole school knew… Students always bullied her and I didn't like it, I felt like I had to protect her all the time.
***3) When I was 17, I entered Junior College and I got together with a BOY for about a year. We have messed around sexually & stuff… and I *think* it was genuine love, I am really not sure, but I got hurt when we fought and am still sore over our break up.
4) 18. Major crush on my Economics teacher who is extremely motherly and "fragile" because people seem to take advantage of her during lesson time cos she's easy to step over. I personally like to drop her notes of encouragement cause on some days she just seems so worn out and exhausted. Can't concentrate in school, want to "be with her"… (Christ, she's a mother of 3 and married for god's sake.)
5) I am now 19, and it's been about a year and I'm still crazy over my Econs teacher.My polaroid with her is pasted at the back of my iPhone :'( I can't sleep some nights cos thoughts of her just consistently plague my mind.
I'd be lying if I said this wasn't driving me crazy. YES, I feel like a complete fool. Like as though there's something wrong with me? I am not used to this and I want to sort these feelings out.Is it just over-admiration or am I gay? I do have sexual fantasies over my teachers, if this counts.
Please don't judge me.It's honestly the last thing I need right now. I come from a strict Catholic family too and I just don't know what to do, I just know I'll get kicked out if I am truly gay, so I am hoping this is "just a phase".
I'm terrified…
>>> Does this make me a lesbian.or a freak?