My husband and I have only been married for 6 months.
On Aug 7 (last month) I found out that he had signed up on a online dating site and was cheating on me.
We started marriage counseling the next day and have been going weekly. Our counseling sessions really helped me and I thought they were helping our marriage.
The only rules our counselor requested us to follow were:
1. I was to check my husbands iPhone and email daily
2. He told my husband not to delete anything off of his phone
3. He explained to my husband why he shouldn't look at porn (my husband had a porn problem in the past) and told my husband NOT to look at it
- My husband agreed to all of these things and made promises he would follow them.
The only thing I personally requested of my husband was that he cut off all contact with ONE of his female friends (not all of them) who seems to have a big crush on him. (she was not the one he was having an affair with and there relationship DIDN'T bother me before his affair)
- My husband said he understood and agreed to not have contact with her
A few days ago I checked my husband's iphone and noticed it wasn't storing his browser history (a list of websites visited).
I checked it again last night and there still wasn't any history so I went into his settings and noticed that he had "Private Browsing" turned ON (when private browsing is on your phone doesn't store the sites visited in the history).
- I turned the private browsing OFF
This afternoon I checked his phone again and found a list of porn sites he visited THIS MORNING and found out that he was still chatting with the girl I asked him not to contact anymore.
I gave myself a few hours to process everything and to calm down. Then I sat down to talk to my husband about it. He looked me in the face and LIED about looking at the porn sites but finally fessed up when I showed the proof.
Our conversation ended with me nicely asking him to move out. He put up a fight but I REALLY wanted him to leave.So he did.
My reasons for wanting him to move out are:
1. He promised me he wouldn't look at porn anymore, BUT DID.
2. He promised me he wouldn't contact the girl with the crush, BUT DID. (again she is NOT the one he had an affair with)
3. He was trying to hide things from me by hiding his browsing history, SO WHAT ELSE IS HE HIDING?
4. He looked me in the face and LIED about looking at the porn. WHAT ELSE IS HE LYING ABOUT?
Conclusion:
I didn't want him to leave because he LOOKED at porn. I wanted him to leave because, once again, he lied and broke a promise to me; Proving to me that I can't trust him.
I love my husband VERY much and I stuck by him through the affair (I even paid for the counseling). Our sex life was GREAT again so he wasn't looking at the porn because he "wasn't getting any".
I've been a good wife to him. I pay all of the bills with MY money and help him when he's running low on cash. I clean, do his laundry, try to spend time with him (but not smother him), put him before myself, and supported him no matter what. I forgave him for the affair and didn't throw it in his face.
- But he still lied to me and broke promises.
I feel like I made the right decision but I'm SO CONFUSED!
Did I make the right decision? Should I still try to save our marriage?
p.s.My husband is 38 and I'm 28. Both have kids.
>>> CHEATING / LYING Husband! Did I make the right choice?