Hi There,
I was looking to get some male and female opinions on the way I feel about porn.
I never really gave it much thought the first couple years I was dating my boyfriend. But as we've grown closer and basically live together, and most of the time wind up sharing a computer, I've noticed porn from time to time.It seems I've been noticing it more lately, I don't think he's been watching it any more than usual, I think I am just noticing it more and more. I brought it up with him in a joking manner a few months ago, and he blew up at me. He did not want to talk about it and dropped the subject. I am a pretty girl. I'm smart and I know what I want out of a relationship. Lately I have been feeling fairly insecure which is abnormal and when it really came down to it, it's because of the porn. Everytime I see he's watched it I feel angry, hurt, confused… Especially because we see eachother almost every single night, and we've always had a very active sex life. Almost every day. Please do not suggest that it has become "boring", because that is not the case. We're both early 20's and adventurous.
Very recently I reached my boiling point with how it was making me feel, I was on the computer and google search bar revealed a few sites, and I knew he had watched it while I was working. I went home to sleep with him that night. I confronted him. He accused me of being snoopy and he did not see it the way I saw it. I explained to him how it made me feel, and that I wasnt comfortable with it. Not with how active we are and how frequently I see him. We made up, and he told me he wouldnt watch it anymore because of how I felt.
The NEXT morning, my Iphone was dead so i grabbed his.the first page open on the internet was a porn site. I know I shouldn't have, but I checked the history because I was angry he told me a straight lie, and I felt like he completely disregarded my feelings on the subject. He had watched 6 videos, and he must have watched them while at work. I confronted him AGAIN. This time much more upset and hurt. He was angry at me for snooping again, and I apologized but it was not intentional, and he had lied to me in a way. Later that evening he promised me if it was that big of a deal he wouldnt watch it anymore. I asked him if he NEEDED it, and if it was that important of a thing in his life… then I could not continue a relationship with him. I cannot be uncomfortable the rest of my life, I know my worth - and i never wanted to change him.
Does anybody agree with me? Does anybody think if he really loves me and values our relationship he'll at least make an effort to respect my feelings? If you had a girlfriend who asked the same of you and you loved her - would you try?
I really don't want to violate his privacy again, but I can't help wondering if he really meant what he said. I am saddened to say that if porn is something so important to him that he's risk losing me… I would leave him.
Not looking to hear answers like " all guys watch porn, you'll never stop him"… I am looking for some people who can put their selves in my shoes/his shoes and tell me how you feel, how you would feel, or what you would do.
Thanks everyone.
Added (1). ** Since when is Porn a "part" of someone? I accept him for who he is. I just find the use of porn when your in a committed relationship to be extremely hurtful and straining both emotionally and mentally. All I know is it HE were to present me with an issue that made him uncomfortable, I would do my absolute best in stopping out of respect and love for him. Especially when it is something as mindless and desensitizing as porn on a computer or phone. We see eachother all the time. There is no need in my mind.
См. статью: Uncomfortable with porn in my relationship. Help!